Close calls

(Week 17, day 6)
  A couple of days ago Tanisha woke up in what I could tell was a bad mood. She just didn't feel right, she wasn't happy, and it was obvious she was on edge. I want to give her credit. I want to say that she didn't want to snap on me or Staci because it would make her feel bad. I want to say she was considering us so she tried to just sort through her feelings without saying much. I want to say all that. The truth is, I don't believe it. I think she was just holding her tongue so that morning didn't end up as another blog post. Either way I had a peaceful morning. (Whew!)

  I started a new job today. I decided a little over a month ago it was time to make more money. I had been holding out at my old job for a while to see if, despite what everyone was saying, I could create some movement for myself by being the best at what I did. I came close, but in the end there wasn't much room for me. As a matter of fact the company was mostly downsizing so any spots that came up were going to people who had many years with the company and would otherwise be laid off. So I decided it was time for a change. Now I'm at a growing company that has a lot of room to advance. More importantly I'm getting paid a lot more money. Once we found out we were having a baby my wife and I made a firm decision we had to get a house. We were already looking, but this just solidified now was the time. So to pay for that new house, and of course new baby, I gave myself a promotion. The catch with this is, however, my wife works there also. I know what you're saying. "You're going to work with your wife? You do remember she threw cold water on you in the bed, don't you?" Well in response to that I have to say, "Can't you ever let her live that down? No? Me neither."

  I'm hurt that I only got 3 votes on this last poll. That tells me my readers want less. And here I was thinking you couldn't get enough of me. Well I guess I finally have to admit, the world doesn't actually revolve around me. But this blog does, so I still got that. Anyway back to the pregnancy. I talked before about our paranoia. Well my wife has a new obsession: conception date. As I mentioned after our last ultrasound, Baby Cohen is in the 76th percentile for size at this stage. It shows, and Tanisha is concerned about that. When she tells people she's 4 months, they always say, "Four months?!" in disbelief. STOP SAYING THAT PEOPLE, YOU'RE GIVING HER A COMPLEX!
  So as a result of that she thinks the doctors may be wrong about when the conception was. Never mind we've gone through the calculations from her last cycle in December and know that it would be virtually impossible to be anything more that a week's difference. She catches me off guard with it each time. She'll start out the conversation as if it's going to be this new and interesting topic. "So I've been thinking," she'll say. And then I'll devote my entire attention to her, rapt with anticipation about what's been on her mind. Then she will break out with something like, "What if they're wrong about how old the baby is" or, "My last cycle in December was the 22nd, right?" Yes, just like it was the last 15 times we talked about it sweetheart. I don't get annoyed, I'm just wondering when she's really going to settle into the fact that her child is large. But I really try to be understanding because the root of all this is she thinks she's going to end up giving birth to a 10-pound baby. She really, really doesn't want to have a 10-pound baby. I can't say I blame her. Gigantor is funny now, but it won't be so much in week 39.

Reality

(Week 17, day 1)
  HOLY CRAP!!! I had to watch my niece Brielle today. All day. All by myself. She's only 4 months old (she was born a day or two before Baby Cohen was conceived) so this was my first dose of what it's going to be like. As I so eloquently put it, HOLY CRAP! I don't know what else to say. It was quite a challenge. The last time she was here my wife was here, and she was in a great mood. Today, not so much. And to top it all off Staci stayed home from school because she's not fully recovered from her surgery. She can't really move around by herself that well, but at least she can entertain herself. Brielle was not so easy. She doesn't really like being held that much, but she doesn't really like to lay down either (too much like sleep time which she also doesn't like). Speaking of not liking, let me tell you something that you may or may not know. There are two things that babies really like. It sounds simple and easy but even though you know, you don't really KNOW until you experience it. Those two things are eating, and dry diapers. Trust me on this, they love them.
  So while this wasn't a complete immersion in the life of having a baby, it was a nice inside view on what I have in store for myself. When I first found out we were having a baby I started to work out so I would have energy when the baby was born. That fell off a bit, but I've increased my physical activity in recent weeks and after today I am serious about getting back to working on a healthy body because I am going to need every bit of energy I can gather.

Go Bulls!

(Week 16, day 6)
  I have a lot to talk about from the past week so let's get started. But first, I want to share a joke with you all. Here it is:
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of some thing that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for some time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, why she snaps at me, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and how I can make her truly happy!" After a brief pause The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
  I laughed at that one for about 5 minutes. So anyway, that brings me to week 16. I thought I had it down, but my title as the cement man has to be revoked because Tanisha went off on me twice this week and I wasn't able to smooth over either one of them. Our first encounter came during one fine evening I was helping her make her lunch for the next day. Well really I was helping myself. You see she will often wake me up in the morning because she forgot to make her lunch the night before. So in order to save myself an unnecessary trip out of bed I will either remind her to make her lunch or I'll take some initiative and do it myself. Since she has to eat healthy I make sure she has enough fruits and vegetables. She likes mangoes so I decided I would cut one up for her. Well I've never cut a mango for her so I wasn't sure how she wanted it. I started asking questions which were apparently not the right questions to ask because she started getting annoyed. I say this after looking back because while I was asking them I was completely oblivious to her rising temper. Finally after getting it peeled I started to cut it, but there was something in the mango (not the pit) that was making it hard to cut all the way through. I was trying to figure out what it was. I invited Tanisha into the discussion to see if she could help me solve my problem. Apparently she wanted no part of this and after about 1 minute of a one-sided discussion she yells at me, "Forget the damn mango! I don't want the mango anymore! Just throw it away, I don't care!" Unfortunately a few exclamation points don't really describe the anger my wife had at me and that mango, but I assure you it was strong and it was real.
  The second incident happened when I was trying to get Staci ready for a slumber party she was going to. This one wasn't funny at all so I'm not going to go into detail but the end of it resulted in her yelling at me about forgetting some things she asked me to do. I have to remind myself that her hormones really give her an extra edge of anger because I always want to yell back. I have to tell any man who wants to make a baby with his wife, take some classes, read the bible or start meditating. Do SOMETHING to help yourself gain patience because when the time comes, you will need it. Luckily I do remember (too late) after she has finished ripping my head off that it's not a smart idea to provoke her. Now I don't want to give the impression that my wife is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Nor is she an evil monster lurking in corners waiting to strike at me when I least expect it. The majority of the time she is pleasant and fun to be around. We are enjoying this pregnancy a great deal. It's just some of the yelling stories are funny so they make their way into the blog pretty easily.

  I don't remember if I've mentioned this but I think that just the mental preparation I'm going through to get myself ready for another child has made my relationship with Staci better. I've been much more patient with her and have made sure to make time so that we do things together. Partially I'm fueled by fear that I'll somehow scar Staci by the way I react (or even worse DON'T react) to her after Baby Cohen is born. I know this wont happen, but hey it's helping our relationship so I'm not going to stop that just to get rid of a little healthy fear. She has done fabulously so far. I thought she would start acting a little more needy or babyish but she's mostly reacted the opposite. She's always been a child who wants a lot of attention so that hasn't changed much, but I'm not worried she's going to start regressing once the baby is born. As long as we include her in activities like feeding, diaper changing, playing and bedtime she will be happy. I've said it before she's going to be a great big sister. Besides including her in all those things makes her the perfect babysitter-in-training. Hey there's nothing wrong with looking into the future. Recently Staci had a surgery (very minor, she was back home the same day) and I was there to take her to the hospital, comfort her before she went in, carry her into the house, and spoil her with computer, TV and McDonalds. I love all of it. I love an excuse to spoil her rotten. I would do it every day if I knew it wouldn't ruin her (darn necessary future life skills!). It makes me think of how much I will enjoy being able to take care of TWO kids. This is what I was made for. I love being a father. This is the time of my life, and I'm glad I'm able to document it because in a year or so I'm sure someone will remind me I said this and I will call them a name unfit to print and tell them they are crazy. Then they'll tell me to visit foytime.blogspot.com. Curse you Google and your easily navigated online tools!

  I told you there was a lot to discuss. I'm almost done here. I just wanted to mention that so far I have had no idea what to expect from this. Despite that I don't remember ever soliciting advice from anyone yet. I think this is because I want this to be MY experience. I know there's some great advice out there, even some that would make my life a hell of a lot easier, but I'm enjoying this so much I don't mind when something goes wrong. I'm taking it as it comes and I can't tell you how much of a stress relief that has been. I know raising a child is hard. I know babies demand a lot of money and attention. I know pregnancy can be hard on a woman and even dangerous. Does that mean I should dwell on all of that? No. I'm determined to remember as much of my wife's pregnancy as I can, and that means not worrying about things that haven't happened and may not happen. It means writing down my thoughts. It means pampering my demanding, spoiled wife and loving it. It means looking at my wife's belly every day and marveling at what's going on inside it. It means watching the NBA Playoffs with the sound off while I'm blogging in the bed so my wife doesn't wake up alone. It means sitting in the bed reading "You Having a Baby" out loud. I want to remember it all and feel like I was participating in it, not just watching it happen in front of me. Now if only we started taking some pictures.

He's got junk!

(Week 16, Day 1)
  Today we got an ultrasound. The truth of the matter is we still don't know if we're having a boy or a girl. BUT, there's a little more to it than that. Let me explain.
  Even though we know it's not likely that you can tell the sex of a child after just 16 weeks, we also know it is possible. So with high hopes we walk into the ultrasound room, Tanisha, myself AND Staci. We didn't want her to miss it if we found out so I pulled her out of school a little early and brought her with. We had to wait while the doctor took measurements which was fine because it's very important Baby Cohen is growing normal. I watched each picture as she looked at the head, the stomach, the spine, the face, the legs. It was so very interesting I was fascinated at how much my child had grown and developed. And boy was there movement. Squirming, kicking, waving, grabbing. I was enchanted by it all, but in the back of my mind I heard a voice screaming, "LOOK IN BETWEEN THE LEGS ALREADY!"
  I didn't say anything, though. I sat there patiently, taking in the moment so I could remember the whole thing. Finally she started trying to look for the sex of our child. At first she couldn't see the front because the baby was lying on the stomach. She jiggled Tanisha's belly some to see if the baby would move. I was having fun with it so I decided to talk to Baby Cohen and see if I could encourage a little movement. Well I guess that was the wrong thing to do because the doctor quickly advised me my child doesn't even have ear bulbs yet. Gee, thanks doc for correcting my idiotic behavior and subtly telling me I'm ignorant at the same time. Oh and ruining my fun just to kick me while I was down. I appreciate it really. But what was really funny was after I started talking, guess what? That's right the baby started to move. Hmmmm, who's the expert now?
  Now that the doctor was able to get a better angle, and to give her credit she was trying really hard, our child decided to put their hands right into their crotch. At first she thought they were grabbing onto the umbilical cord. I knew better. She may be the expert, but I'm a man and I know what it looks like when a guy is grabbing his junk. My baby was grabbing his junk! In the end she got a shot where she thinks it might be a boy, but she wasn't absolutely sure. Tanisha's doctor, Dr. Tate, told us the doctor who did the ultrasound was like a Jedi Master when it comes to seeing the baby's sex so if anybody could have seen it, she would have.
  So here we are, not exactly back to square one, but not with any solid evidence. I will scan the picture where she thinks she saw some male genitalia and let you draw your own conclusions. As for me I'm going to go ahead with what I already thought and just enjoy it while it lasts.
  In other news, so far Baby Cohen is in the 76th percentile for baby size during this stage of pregnancy. That's big, but Dr. Tate told us the growth may even out in the coming months so we'll see if we end up with an average baby or "Gigantor the Skull Baby." I'm sure Tanisha and her body are voting for average.

Baby bumps

(Week 15, day 7)
  Even though I just submitted a new post I'm still in the writing mood and my wife is fast asleep so I'm going to keep writing. Don't worry, I have my laptop and I'm writing in bed. We won't have a repeat of Watergate.
  Unfortunately for my wife, among the many many other ways her body has decided to react to this pregnancy, her face has joined in on the party. I'm talking about pimples. She's had an outbreak of bumps on her face and does not like it one bit. When I first met my wife, she was struggling with skin issues. She is prone to breakouts and while I never saw anything but her extreme beauty (yes baby you are the most beautiful woman in the world) she sees each and every bump like it's a neon sign. After a lot of research she finally found a combination of products that keep her face smooth and keep her happy. Well all of that is out the window now because there's not a product on earth that's going to stop the force of nature that is Baby Cohen. She is trying so hard to deal with it but I see how much it hurts her to have so many bumps staring at her in the mirror. It's like somebody has plastic surgery then gets punched in the nose, all that work for nothing.
  For my part I tell her every day how much I enjoy looking at her, and how I don't even notice the bumps until she brings them up (all of this is true, by the way). It helps, but what would help MORE is if the bumps would go away. So if anyone knows a trick to pregnancy acne, let me know. Whatever you do, if you know that there's nothing she can do about it, KEEP THAT COMMENT TO YOURSELF. Even if there's no hope, for the next 5 months it's ok if we think there is. Really it is.
 
  On a different note, I have been enjoying the pregnancy a lot recently. There's a tenderness I get from my wife that I missed when our lives were at a point where our schedules and jobs were taking us in almost opposite directions. I love it when she looks at me with real happiness in her eyes. When we see each other after having been at work I get a real, heartfelt kiss, not just one of those habit kisses that you give because it's your husband and that's what you're supposed to do. My favorite is when she puts her soft hand on mine and rubs it or just holds it. I feel the tenderness behind that. I love you baby girl, I am so glad we're having a baby together!

The wives have it

(Week 15, day 6)
  Well apparently Tanisha and I are not the only people obsessing over what sex Baby Cohen is going to be. On Monday she sends me this email:
"I don't believe it but a few people said it works. Wanna try it?" And then this explanation was below:

"To conduct the this old wives tale you simply take your wedding ring and tie a thread about 12 inches long to it. Sit or lie down and hold the thread over your pregnant belly. The ring will either go in circles or side to side (back and forth).

If the ring goes in circles, you're expecting a baby boy. If the ring goes side to side you are expecting a girl according to this old wives tale."

   Her friends at work Sarah and Sharra (I guess they're twins or something) send that email to Tanisha and tell her to try it. So she forwards it me, and I respond with this: 

"Oh God no, what if it goes side to side? Then we're going to be like, 'Oh well this is just an old wives' tale' but in the back of our minds we're going to think, 'Is it real?' Do you want to? I want to! NO WAIT I DON'T!"

  I was already freaking out and we didn't even try it yet. Well unbeknownst to me Tanisha and the twins had already decided to do it. To prove it works they held a ring on a thread over the hand of 2 different women and it went side to side. Then they held it over a man and it went in a circle. This was enough for Tanisha to give it a try. Guess what? It went in a circle! I know, you're saying to yourself, "I can't believe Josh is getting excited over something silly like this." Shut up is what I'm saying.

  When my wife got home we went to her sister's house and tried it there with a different ring and string. We held it over our daughter and neice's hands and it went back and forth. We held it over mine and my nephew's hands and it went in a circle. So then the moment of truth arrived. We held it over my wife's stomach and, lo and behold it went in a circle! Am I putting all of my faith in this silly test? No. Am I convinced we're having a boy? YES! Or maybe it's just hope springs eternal.

  Anyway tomorrow on the first day of week 16 we will be going to the doctor for a sonogram and a REAL baby sex test. We will then find out what the experts say, and if it matches up with what the twins and now my wife and I believe about the ring test. I think the funniest thing about this is that no matter what, I'm not going to be able to calm down and believe anything until a child has exited my wife's womb and I see his/her private parts up close and in person. Ahhh the joys of fatherhood.

P.S. Special thanks to Sarah and Sharra for the inspiration for this blog and for being dedicated readers. I truly appreciate every person who reads my blog and gets something out of it.

Random Thoughts

(Week 15, day 5)
  I just thought I would share a few random thoughts and questions that have crossed my brain at one point or another since finding out my wife was pregnant. Enjoy.

  If millions of healthy babies have been born before we found out this information, why is it that now my wife cannot lay on her back and get a comfortable night sleep?
  What color is my baby going to be?
  Will I be a different father to this baby than to Staci? Will she end up resenting me?
  What the hell does "natal" mean?
  Why is the due date so close to October? I don't want my baby born in October.
  Will I start ignoring my dog once the baby is born?
  How different is this kid's personality going to be from Staci's personality?
  Am I being selfish or wrong for praying for a boy?
  Just how angry can my wife get? I mean, she hates the heat already and the temperature hasn't even broken 90 yet!
  Why is it that I cry now at every single emotional family moment on a movie or TV?
  Am I really going to gain weight during this pregnancy?
  Is it mean to already be thinking about the people who I'm not going to let hold my child?
  What if Tanisha gets pregnant right after we have this kid? OMG!
  How many people are really reading this blog?
  Why Mozart?
  I really love my family a lot.
  How much information can I read about babies before I don't want to read anymore?
  Will I really be able to curb my spending when we're decorating the baby's room?
  I hope I have a boy. 

Sooooooo sleeeeeepy

(Week 14, day 6)
  At least once a day I get a text from my wife with those drawn out vowels in an otherwise simple phrase. Sooooooo sleeeeeepy. The baby has her in a perpetual state of deprivation. I try to do what I can to help, but years of staying up longer than we should has turned into habit so it's difficult. Tanisha has been able to get in the bed at a reasonable hour usually, however this is apparently not the only thing he needs. Another thing that has turned into habit is her falling asleep with me lying next to her (and I'll admit the same goes for me). It's hard once you've become used to sleeping next to your mate to try the same thing solo. Well as I said the same goes for me, but I had no idea how important it was until last night. Sound like I'm working up to a story? Wow you're right, you must have been reading my blog posts!
  So, last night the NCAA men's basketball championship game featuring Indianapolis' own Bulter Bulldogs vs. Duke was on. Of course I, like millions of other Americans, wanted to watch this game. So in my mind I decided a compromise was in order. I knew Tanisha wouldn't be able to watch the whole game so I would lay next to her and cheer/yell/grimace etc. in silence at each play until she fell asleep. Then I would go in the living room and finish the game so I could get up and pace and jump and yell without waking her. Well that worked great, until I didn't feel like going back to bed after the game was over. But again in my mind I had already fulfilled my obligation. She was asleep so I didn't have to STAY lying next to her. I put in a movie (The Hurt Locker, an excellent war movie I might add) and began to watch it. Well half way through the movie I get a text, "Where r u?" I'm not wanting to go back to bed yet so I'm carefully considering how I respond to this when my phone starts ringing. Oh no, she's calling me. Here's how that conversation went:
Me: "Hello"
Wife: "Where do you keep coming in and out?"
Me: "I came in to get the checkbook remember? I forgot to pay rent and if I put it in the drop box before tomorrow it wont be late." (this was true, but not the whole story)
Wife: "But that was over an hour ago!" (Damn, I didn't think she was looking at the time)
Me: "Well baby I wasn't sleepy so I put in The Hurt Locker."
Wife: ____ (she hung up on me).
  Ok so I figured it's time to go to bed so she can sleep through the rest of the night. She had to go to work in the morning and I didn't so I figured I could finish the movie the next day, no need to be selfish. I turned off the tv, went down the hall into my room. Only I couldn't get in my room because my wife locked the door. I laughed in spite of the situation. Apparently she was more angry than I thought. Well I picked the lock because apartment inside locks are never difficult to pick and go in the room and got  into bed. Tanisha was awake at this point and after I got in the bed I hear her tossing and turning as well as huffing in anger. Uh oh, I don't like where this is going. After a few minutes I guess she couldn't take it anymore because she snatched the cover and her pillow up and left the room. Wow she's going to sleep on the couch. I considered following after her but I know my wife and that would have turned into an argument which was the last thing I wanted. Or so I thought. I decided to make the best of the situation so I stretch out and try to go to sleep. At first I had a little trouble but after a while I was able to relax and I slowly started drifting off to sleep. I felt myself sliding into that comfortable zone, the soft covers hugging me, the warmth of the blankets surrounding me, relax, drifting, comfort, drifting, warmth, drifting, warmth...COLD! I was shocked awake with this horrible cold all over my body. I jumped up trying to quickly asses what had just happened. I realized the cold was also wet, and I saw Tanisha standing at the foot of my bed. Water!? She had just thrown a cup of cold water on me. "Jesus Christ!" I yelled. "Jesus Christ!" I yelled again. She walked out of the room, apparently accomplishing what she had set out to do. I followed her out of the room, incensed at what had just happened. I guess I was still a little groggy with a nice mixture of anger so I don't remember everything I said but apparently this is approximately what came out, "What the fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you!? What the fuck did you do that for?! I didn't even fucking do anything! What the fuck did I do to deserve that!?" Yeah apparently when I get woken up with water I'm liable to drop a few F-bombs. She didn't say a word, just went back on the couch and laid down. Then as I was walking back to the room, angry but still thankful she didn't respond to my tirade, I hear her yell, "I hope you can't fall back asleep." I tried but I couldn't resist responding to that so I yelled back, "I'll be able to sleep great in the comfortable bed!"
  Only I couldn't sleep comfortably because there was water everywhere. I got a few towels, arranged my body in a zig-zag pattern and went to sleep. Eventually Tanisha came back in and laid down (the couch just wasn't doing it for her). The next day she was very apologetic. She doesn't know where the anger came from. My brother-in-law Russell suggested Rosemary's baby as a possibility.
  Even though technically I didn't do anything wrong, I feel I've learned a lesson from all this. So right now as I am typing this blog I am looking at a peacefully sleeping wife lying next to me. In a very dry bed.

Time goes on

(Update blog from the last 2 weeks)
  I will apologize that I have not kept up with this blog as much as I wanted to, and I will leave it at that.
  There's been some exciting news since I've last posted. Tanisha went to the geneticist (say that three times fast) to talk about the likelihood of Baby Cohen having a genetic condition such as down syndrome and decide if we are going to get tests. Unfortunately I was working during the beginning of the appointment so I missed the best part! Apparently our child likes Burger King because Tanisha ate some before her appointment and when they did the sonogram Little Cohen was all over the place. Flipping, clapping, waving and even playing hide and seek. Every time the nurse was getting ready to take a picture, the baby would do a flip and she had to start over again. Finally she got some pictures (I'll post them here) and as you will see there has been a lot of growth since the first picture. My favorite one is Tanisha's least favorite one because the picture looks like the baby is an alien skull or something. I thought it was funny, Tanisha not so much.
  Besides the pictures, we talked about the genetic issues and we decided we would get blood tests done and if the results showed a high probability for something we would get a more accurate, but less invasive, test. Thank God when we got the blood test results back they showed a very low probability. That put Tanisha's mind at enough ease to not do any further testing. It makes me think, though. When they first tell you about the tests they mention that some people want to know because if they knew their baby would have a genetic disorder, they would not go through with the birth. I know it's a hard thing to really know how you would react, but I just cannot imagine denying my child a chance to live regardless of what condition they may or may not have. Tanisha is already on edge because of Staci's PFFD. We know how hard it is to raise a child with a disability. Could we handle two? We just pray for health because right now that's all we can do. I'm not worried, I have faith everything is going to be good, but these things make you think.
  The other great news is, as promised, in the second trimester the nausea has gone down significantly. The bad news is it's not all the way gone and she is still prone to getting sick occasionally. And the other bad news is her EPP is still in high gear and every little smell is a big problem. We'll be getting our carpets cleaned soon because now when she walks in the house, and especially our room, there's a mystery smell that really bothers her. It's not overwhelming, but it is enough to make her say (every single time) that something stinks. I can't really smell it but I believe her when she says she does. I've cleaned everything else in the room so I pray cleaning the carpet is going to solve this once and for all. If not I may find myself sleeping with a room full of Febreeze bottles.