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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Trendelenburg position

(Week 23, day 4)
  It's hard to type about the situation we're in right now. I'm very stressed and so is my wife. We have faith that our child will be ok and we're in great hands, but you just can't stop the mind from wandering. Add on top of that trouble sleeping (both of us) and it's even harder to stay stress free. Sometimes I just think about how close my baby is to being born. As much as we need him to stay in the womb as long as possible, it's so difficult not to picture him coming into this world. I can't wait to see him. I want to hold him, but when I picture him in my mind usually it's in the NICU, not in a crib. It's hard to erase those images. I'm already in love with my baby and I haven't met him yet. It's weird because I feel like I know him, and it's even weirder because I feel like he knows me too. We're going to be friends, I already know it.
  Going to work is still very difficult. My stomach is tight every time I go there and it doesn't loosen until I'm back "home" at the hospital with Tanisha. I've already had to leave early twice because we had false alarms, but it's never an option for me to stay because what if he does start to come and I'm at work? I would feel horrible.
  There are some great things coming out of this situation, though. I don't want anyone to think we're sitting around the hospital moping because that's far from the truth. We're spending a lot of quality time with our family. Also I have been able to take a good step back and look at my life. I've been able to put things into pretty good focus about what I should be doing vs. what I've been doing. I can see my future so clear sometimes, and then fear grips me and I can't see two feet in front of my face. It's hard to balance that, but I think we are doing a great job. The absolute best thing to come out of this is my wife and my relationship has strengthened a lot. I love her now in a different way I didn't know existed. I love you baby girl.
  The absolute worst thing to come out of this so far is my brain has developed a mind of its own. Maybe I have a positronic brain like in I Robot and it's turning on me, eventually leading to my demise. Or maybe I just need to sleep more. Either way I almost killed my brother twice yesterday (sorry Russ!) while we were driving. I gave him the keys to the car like I had been drinking, and for those of you who know how my brother drives, you know that's a big deal. Just kidding Russ...sort of.

1 comment:

  1. LMBO! what u said about Russ....well glad to see u still have that magnetic sense of humor through out this situation. I love u guys for that...Tanisha makes me laugh about everytime I speak with her....Nissi

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